


but still i remember

by kangtv (galacticnik)



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Choi Minki | Ren (minor), Exes, M/M, New Year's Eve, happy 2018 good thoughts only, minor mention of hospitals and injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 05:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13241166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticnik/pseuds/kangtv
Summary: The last person Jonghyun expects to see rushing in through the emergency room doors and skidding to a stop by his bed is Hwang Minhyun.Or, when Jonghyun gets injured, Minhyun still comes running.





	but still i remember

**Author's Note:**

> self-edited as always! here's to 2018, everyone ♡

The last person Jonghyun expects to see rushing in through the emergency room doors and skidding to a stop by his bed is Hwang Minhyun. His cheeks are flushed from the cold, scarf awry, eyes alight with worry as he does a quick sweep of Jonghyun’s condition. He looks woefully out of place, dressed formally for some fancy event or another, and Jonghyun can’t think of anyone less suited to be _here_ on New Year’s Eve, not the least because he hasn’t spoken to Minhyun in over eight months.

“What are you doing here?” Jonghyun asks before Minhyun has the chance to speak. He has to force the words past the lump in his throat, but they sound oddly combative to his ears.

Minhyun’s expression hardens. He withdraws and shoves his hands in his pockets. “The hospital called me,” he states simply. “Apparently, I’m listed as your emergency contact.”

 _Oh._ Jonghyun feels lightheaded, and not entirely from the blood loss. His surroundings slam into him in a rush: the sterile white walls, overwhelming smell of antiseptic, the cacophony of raised voices and cries of pain. It’s too much stimuli all of a sudden.

Too much, and Minhyun is here. Jonghyun wants to hide.

He drags his uninjured hand down his face. “Crap,” he says, closing his eyes. “I forgot… I forgot to change it.” It wasn’t high on his list of priorities Or there at _all_. Jonghyun can count the number of times he’s fallen sick or gotten injured on one hand. He never intended to end up in the hospital if he could help it. He never intended to see _Minhyun_ again if he could help it, and for a similar reason. Jonghyun tries not to hurt himself on purpose. “I’ll take care of it now.”

Minhyun pauses and looks at Jonghyun with something akin to sympathy in his eyes, and Jonghyun doesn’t know what to make of that expression, but he does know that he dislikes the idea of Minhyun feeling sorry for him. “Who would you change it to?” Minhyun asks eventually, not entirely unkind. “Minki hates blood, Dongho hates hospitals, and Aron hyung isn’t even in the country. Unless you made some new friends in the past year—”

“I’ll manage.”

“Will you really,” Minhyun says flatly. He sounds unconvinced, maybe because he knows how bad Jonghyun is at taking care of himself. Or maybe because he knows how bad Jonghyun is at letting go. He stares down at Jonghyun with a pinched expression, somewhere between concern and annoyance. “What even happened?”

“There was a… small accident.” No one expects to have to sidestep a falling neon sign advertising **THE BEST GOPCHANG IN SEOUL** while out and about the town. Jonghyun did a poor job of avoiding anyway. His reflexes have never been as sharp as he’d like them to be outside of video games. “I sliced my hand open.” Seeing the alarm on Minhyun’s face, he hastens to add, “It just needed a couple of stitches, that’s all. I’m almost done here.”

“ _Stitches?_ ” Minhyun repeats, his voice climbing an octave. “That’s all?” He pulls his scarf away from his neck and lets out a tired chuckle. “God, only you.”

“I wasn’t doing anything!” Jonghyun bursts out defensively. “It wasn’t my fault; I was just trying to grab some dinner.”

“I’m not surprised. You’re like a magnet for misfortune.”

 _“Hey.”_ Minhyun isn’t wrong, but that just annoys him more. He stands up and tries to leave, but stumbles forward on unsteady feet instead.

Both Minhyun and the nurse loitering nearby rush to steady him, with Minhyun dismissing her with a mumbled, “I’ll handle it.” He forces Jonghyun to sit back down, his hands a comforting weight on Jonghyun’s shoulders. Jonghyun reaches up to touch his hand, then quickly pulls away. Contact still feels electric. He’s not prepared for that.

Minhyun doesn’t notice, or pretends not to, as he pulls away. “You’re so difficult,” he says, shaking his head. Jonghyun detects a hint of affection in his voice. “You _need_ me. I hate to think what you would’ve done if I hadn’t come.”

 _But you came_ , Jonghyun almost says. _For some reason, you came when I didn’t even ask you to, and that counts for something._ He looks at Minhyun, standing there, his eyes trained on Jonghyun. Some of the nurses and patients around them whisper about him—how tall he is, how handsome he looks, so on—but Minhyun never takes his eyes off Jonghyun, like Jonghyun is the only person in the room that matters.

He’s always been like that around Jonghyun.

Minhyun is the first to break the silence. “I’ll take you home,” he says, holding a hand out, turning his head to the side. Jonghyun thinks he sees a hint of red on Minhyun’s face, wonders if it matches the heat spreading over his own. Truth is, he doesn’t know twist of fate brought Minhyun back into his life and he doesn’t know what to do with it, but he has too many regrets tied to Hwang Minhyun already.

Jonghyun takes his hand.

 

* * *

 

Minhyun handles the paperwork and all the fees before helping Jonghyun home. Jonghyun is grateful; he doesn’t think he has the presence of mind to do this on his own. He forgets his address and phone number when Minhyun prompts him, but luckily, nothing has changed since they were together. Minhyun is able to get everything done fairly quickly.

Jonghyun leans on him on the way to his apartment, exaggerating his weakness, and he thinks Minhyun knows, but doesn’t comment on it. He holds on longer than normal, too. They’re both taking whatever chance they can to hold onto each other. Because, he thinks, frowning, once he’s home, Minhyun will leave and they’ll go back to being strangers like they’re supposed to be.

But Minhyun slides back into his home and his life as if he never left. He knows where the spare key is hidden, knows where to find the painkillers and blankets, where to look for Jonghyun’s laptop, hidden somewhere underneath a pile of dirty clothes (“You really need to clean up,” Minhyun grumbles, but Jonghyun shrugs and gives him an apologetic smile).

Jonghyun feels a certain sense of unease at how easy it is for him to close his eyes and pretend nothing happened. It’s not fair, he thinks, that Minhyun can trick him into thinking that nothing has changed, that they’re back to the beginning of the year, stupidly in love. He stayed away from Minhyun for eight long months to _avoid_ feeling like this, but one evening and all that goes to shit. And he’s terrified of getting used to him being here, because he knows it’s only going to hurt when he has to watch Minhyun leave again.

Settling into the couch, he looks down at his injured hand and swallows. “You don’t have to stay,” he says, avoiding looking at Minhyun until the man in question snorts. “I’m serious; you look like you have somewhere to be and I’ll be fine on my own.”

“No you won’t,” Minhyun says. Shedding his jacket, he drapes it on the back of a chair before loosening his tie and rolling the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows. “And if I leave, I’ll just spend the entire night worrying, anyway.” He sits down and crosses his legs. “Are you trying to get rid of me?” he asks, a hint of playfulness in his voice.

“I’m not, I just… feel like you have better things to do.” Jonghyun has to twist around to look at Minhyun while he talks and sort of wishes he didn’t—Minhyun looks too good, too _right_ sitting in his kitchen, like he belongs here. Like he never left.

“I was supposed to go to a company party,” Minhyun’s smile slips briefly as he sighs and looks down at his hands. “Trust me, I’m using you as an excuse to get out of it.” Jonghyun scrunches his nose at that and Minhyun chuckles. “What about you? Your injury intrude on any plans?”

“Nope. I was just going to eat and watch a movie till midnight, maybe have a few cans of beer.” The most excitement he anticipated for tonight was picking which movie to watch. Not a painful injury or uncomfortable reunion.

“Minki didn’t try to drag you to any parties?”

“He tried. I’m just boring.”

Minhyun laughs, the familiar four loud _ha! ha! ha! ha!s_ that always brings a smile to Jonghyun’s face. Mostly because it sounds fake, like a laugh Minhyun’s spent hours practicing than a truly organic sound. Even so, it’s one of the things Jonghyun missed the most about him, his loud obnoxious laugh filling up the whole room. “Eat, huh?” Minhyun stands and pushes the chair in. “Let me see what I can do about that.”

“You don’t have to—”

“I’m hungry too,” he says, patting his stomach. “And I’ve gotten better at cooking. I _think_. I’m the only one who ever eats what I make, so I can’t really give you an unbiased opinion.” Jonghyun settles back into the couch as Minhyun rummages around his kitchen. He occasionally laments about the state of Jonghyun’s fridge, but otherwise knows his way around instinctively, or maybe it’s muscle memory.

He doesn’t ask why Jonghyun hasn’t bothered moving anything around and Jonghyun honestly wouldn’t be able to answer anyway. He hates change; is that enough? Or should he say it’s because he put his life on pause when Minhyun left, and what he’s seeing is just a relic of an earlier time. A museum exhibit, _Kim Jonghyun, circa 2017, sans Hwang Minhyun._

“How have you been?” Jonghyun asks finally. It’s one of those things he should have asked a lot earlier, but he was distracted and afraid of hearing Minhyun’s answer. He’s not melodramatic enough to claim that the past year was hell without Minhyun, but it wasn’t fun. Jonghyun spent his time merely existing without any thought otherwise. As much as he wants Minhyun to be happy, a part of him wants to be missed too. Like he had some sort of an impact on his life.

Standing over the sink, Minhyun freezes and slowly turns the faucet off. “Okay,” he says, clearing his throat. “I’ve been okay. Focusing on work these days, with the promotion and everything.”

“Seeing anyone?” The question just falls out of his mouth. Jonghyun wants to cover his face the moment it’s out, even though it’s the elephant in the room—one of, anyways. Thankfully, Minhyun doesn’t let it make things awkward. He moves past it, gives him as normal a response as he can.

“There was a guy… It didn’t work out though. We’re still friends.” Minhyun laughs again, but it sounds even more forced than usual. “It’s kind of surprising, actually. I didn’t realize you could be friends after a messy break up.”

Jonghyun doesn’t think it was supposed to sting. Minhyun is not and has never been cruel. But somehow, it feels more painful than what happened to his hand anyway. “I didn’t mean to freeze you out.” It hurt too much, being around Minhyun and not being together the way he wanted them to be.

“I know you didn’t. Things just ended up that way.” Minhyun sounds so matter-of-fact that Jonghyun doesn’t have any room to argue. Minhyun pauses in front of the stove and swallows before adding, quietly, “I don’t know if I could have taken being just ‘friends’ either.”

Minhyun finishes up in a little while, and Jonghyun shuffles to the tables, inhaling deeply. He loves kimchi jjigae, though he probably shouldn’t be surprised Minhyun knew that. As excited as he is to eat, he takes one look at his bandaged hand and lets out a mournful sigh. This is going to be uncomfortable.

Minhyun snickers at his expression and sits down beside him. “Let me feed you,” he says, picking up a spoon. “It’ll be easier this way.”

Jonghyun flushes. “You can’t—”

“You’re _hurt,_ just let me do it.”

Jonghyun doesn’t see the point in complaining. He opens his mouth, still red. Somehow, he makes it through the meal without embarrassing himself too much, even though the last time he’s been fed by anyone was… Minhyun, a year ago. He tries not to think about it and pushes away old memories from resurfacing.

Minhyun does the dishes afterwards and puts everything away. Jonghyun migrates back to the couch and puts on an animated movie after his offer of help is shot down. He half-expects Minhyun to leave afterwards, maybe catch the tail end of his party, but Minhyun makes no move to do so, instead further unbuttoning his shirt and coming over to sink down onto the couch beside him. “Do you mind if I stick around for a while?” he asks.

His breath catches in his throat. He wanted to ask Minhyun to stay, but wasn’t sure how to approach it. Jonghyun’s aware they’re in some kind of liminal space right now, between the old and the new, barely an hour away from midnight and the flip to 2018. As much as he wants to extend their time together, it seems selfish to request it. But if Minhyun is offering, he wants to relish it. He gives Minhyun a small nod. “Of course, if you want to.”

“Just say _yes_ ,” Minhyun says, the corners of his mouth twitching. He settles into the couch and leans against Jonghyun, linking their arms under the blanket. “Feels like old times, right?”

Jonghyun laughs. “Except normally, you’d already be asleep three minutes into the movie.”

“I tried to watch,” Minhyun protests, affronted. “And I stayed awake to practice my Japanese sometimes.”

“Yeah, but more often, I’d give up on the movie to watch you sleep.”

Minhyun lifts his head and yawns, already sleepy not even halfway into the feature. “It’s not my fault I’m more interesting than your anime.”

“Ha,” Jonghyun says, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He ignores the heat crawling up his neck. Jonghyun can’t say anything to dispute Minhyun’s teasing statement. _You are, and always have been, the most interesting thing in the room_ , rests on the tip of his tongue. But he doesn’t want to say it out loud. Jonghyun doesn’t want to do this—doesn’t know if he wants to anyway. He shouldn’t get greedy.

Minhyun watches him with a complicated expression. “You didn’t tell me you watched me sleep. That’s creepy,” he says suddenly, leaning over to poke Jonghyun’s cheek.

“It’s embarrassing.”

“Less… embarrassing… than your dakimakura collection?”

“Buzz off.” Jonghyun shoves Minhyun away, but Minhyun laughs and comes right back to rest his head on Jonghyun’s shoulder. They sit in contented silence for a while, the sounds of the movie as the only noise in the apartment aside from the gentle mingling of Jonghyun and Minhyun’s breathing. Jonghyun wants to sink into this. He wants to get comfortable, to enjoy it, but he knows this is temporary.

Jonghyun starts to pull away, but before he can, Minhyun’s grip on his arm tightens. “I missed you,” he says quietly, so low that Jonghyun almost misses it. “I… panicked when I heard you were in the hospital. I was totally freaking out, thinking that you might—all I knew was that I couldn’t lose you, not like this, not when I haven’t—”

“I didn’t know you cared.” He knows how unfair of him it is to say anything like that, not when Minhyun came running to him, looking like the world was about to end.

“I always _care_.” Hurt manifests itself in Minhyun’s voice. Jonghyun can’t bring himself to look at his face. “I didn’t break up with you, Jonghyun. _You_ broke up with _me._ ”

Jonghyun closes his eyes. There it is, the ugly truth: everything that has happened has been of his own making. Loneliness, missing Minhyun, feeling stuck while everyone moves forward without him… his own doing, though he had noble intentions. “We were fighting, and you had things going on at work and I—thought you’d be better off. I thought you wanted—”

“I _didn’t_ ,” Minhyun interrupts. “And even if I wanted space, I didn’t want you to leave.” He sounds exhausted and frustrated rolled into one, the heat in his voice catching Jonghyun off guard. “Sometimes I feel like you know me better than anyone, but other times you just don’t get it. I didn’t want this; I just wanted to be with you.” Minhyun sighs and straightens up, running a hand through his hair. “Maybe I should go—”

“I knew,” Jonghyun blurts out quickly, desperately, his bandaged hand shooting out to grab Minhyun’s shirt. “I knew about the emergency contact thing and didn’t change it because I’m in love with you and I kept hoping that someday you’d come back.” He expels it all out in a huge rush, his heart lodged in his throat. Jonghyun is aware of how ridiculous it sounds, how stupid he comes across as, but Minhyun just looks at him, eyes shining in the dim light.

“You can’t keep waiting for things to _happen_ to you, Jonghyun,” he says finally. He doesn’t take a seat, but doesn’t move either. Jonghyun counts that as a victory—a draw, at least.  
  
“I know that too.” He does, but it’s in his nature to wait, to react rather than be proactive. Jonghyun tips his head back to meet Minhyun’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Minhyun.”

The movie taper off in the background as the credits roll, and the room plunges into silence. Jonghyun counts down the seconds to midnight, lips moving soundlessly. When the clock finally hits twelve—”Happy New Years,” he says, holding his breath.

Minhyun’s gaze is heavy, his expression blank. At the sound of Jonghyun’s voice, the spell breaks and he leans down, cupping Jonghyun’s face with both hands. “Happy New Years,” he echoes, and kisses him until they’re well into 2018.

(It’s a lot like how they welcomed in 2017, Jonghyun thinks. He doesn’t mind).

 

* * *

 

 **choi minki** (8:29 AM):  
so i hv a slightly panicked voicemail from hwang  
saying u got hurt??  
srry i was out of touch phone died last night  
but r u ok?? how bad is it??

 **kim jonghyun** (8:31 AM):  
Got some stitches but Im fine otherwise  
Im ok though  
Dont worry about it

 **choi minki** (8:40 AM):  
dont give me that shit kim jonghyun

 **kim jonghyun** (8:42 AM):  
Ahhhhh  
I really dont know why Minhyun called you

 **choi minki** (8:45 AM):  
yeah abt that  
u hv some explaining 2 do  
im coming over  
just let me stop at home 2 change

 **kim jonghyun** (8:47 AM):  
You didnt spend last night at home?

 **choi minki** (8:50 AM):  
lmao yeah oooooh boy  
ig i hv some shit 2 tell u 2  
see u in a bit

 

* * *

 

Minhyun is still asleep when Jonghyun finishes texting Minki, but when Jonghyun comes back after brushing his teeth, Minhyun is awake and rubbing his eyes. His hair is adorably ruffled, the wrinkles on his shirt sticking out because Minhyun doesn’t usually look this unkempt. “Whoa,” he says, stretching his arms above his head. Jonghyun wanders over to the kitchen to get a glass of water. “It’s 2018 now, huh? It doesn’t really feel like a lot changed, though.”

Jonghyun takes a sip from his glass. “Yeah,” he says simply, turning around and resting his hip against the counter. “Supposed to be the end of the old, beginning of the new.” It’s supposed to be the end of their strange, in-between time together. He scratches his cheek. “You’re right; doesn’t feel like a lot changed.”

Minhyun gets up and heads over while flattening his hair. “I’ll help you change your bandages if you need it.”

“It’s fine,” Jonghyun says automatically, looking down at the cumbersome bandages. “Minki is coming over. He can help.”

“I should leave then.” It’s almost a question. Minhyun runs both hands over his shirt and reaches for his jacket, waiting for Jonghyun to say something, _anything_. Jonghyun thinks about their kisses, about the clock striking twelve, about the image of Minhyun running through the emergency room doors in worry transposed over their break up. He remembers the eight months without Minhyun and imagines it going on for another year, but he hates the idea of living through a whole year alone. A 2018 without Minhyun is not a 2018 he wants.

Minhyun is still waiting, looking at him in askance. Jonghyun licks his lips. “I—stay.”

Blinking slowly, Minhyun tilts his head to the side, as if he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. “But Minki probably wouldn’t be happy if I did,” he says slowly, phrasing it as a question.

Jonghyun sets his glass down. His hands are shaking, he realizes with some detachment. Squaring his shoulders, he approaches Minhyun and says, more firmly this time, “ _Stay_.” Minhyun still looks incredulous. “I want to be selfish in 2018,” Jonghyun continues, reaching out for him. “I want you to stay with me this year.”

Minhyun’s jacket slips from his hands. “I want to say with you too.” He sounds a little choked. Jonghyun understands; he feels the same. It’s because he feels the same that he doesn’t think twice about gripping Minhyun by the collar with one hand and pulling him down into a kiss. It’s the year to be selfish, he thinks, so it’s okay to say he won’t let Minhyun go, right?

Because Jonghyun doesn’t plan to ever again, if he can help it.

 

* * *

 

 **kim jonghyun** (9:15 AM):  
Hey Minki you dont have to come over

 **choi minki** (9:16 AM):  
well good thing i didnt leave my house yet  
wait why  
whats going on

 **kim jonghyun** (9:17 AM):  
No reason I just  
I have someone else here with me

 **choi minki** (9:17 AM):  
what the fuck who

 **kim jonghyun** (9:18 AM):  
Its not important

 **choi minki** (9:18 AM):  
WHOMST

 **kim jonghyun** (9:20 AM):  
You know its hard to type with one hand right

 **choi minki** (9:21 AM):  
IS IT MINHYUN  
HWANG MINHYUN

 **kim jonghyun** (9:21 AM):  
…

 **choi minki** (9:22 AM):  
JFC JONGHYUN

 **kim jonghyun** (9:22 AM):  
,,,

 **choi minki** (9:24 AM):  
ugh fine go do whtv u need 2 do  
but i need all the details later  
A L L

 **kim jonghyun** (9:35 AM):  
Kind of voyeuristic of you, isn’t it?

 **choi minki** (9:37 AM):  
is this hwang minhyun  
u fucker fight me

 **kim jonghyun** (9:40 AM):  
Leave Jonghyun alone  
You and I can fight later

 **choi minki** (9:43 AM):  
fine  
…  
for what its worth im glad u guys are together again??  
i wasnt looking forward to another yr w/o 2hyun

 **kim jonghyun** (9:45 AM):  
…  
Yeah  
Neither was I

**Author's Note:**

> this is a day late - i desperately wanted to finish in time for new year's eve so i could usher in the new year properly, but better late than never? here's to hoping 2018 is a lot better for all of us!


End file.
